Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The pain of other's

From the very beginning of this process we have seen and experienced other peoples pain and heartache. We've been privy to ultra personal information about the lives of complete strangers we would never meet. Today was our 1st visit to court in the process of Hayley's adoption. I was not prepared for the pain and heartache that was in that room today it was literally palpable.  There is no problem with Hayley's adoption no worries! Adoption is a wonderful amazing thing but it's easy to forget that there is a side to it where people are hurting. There are birth mother's and birth father's, Grandpa's and Grandma's and many times siblings. It's easy to sometimes look at people who have made bad decisions and say "Well, you deserve what you get, you shouldn't have made those bad choices etc, etc and write them off. There are consequences for making bad choices and many times they are just. However, we can't think they don't feel pain that they don't hurt.

This will sound like I am off my rocker but I'm glad we've seen and heard the things that we have in this process. It has opened my eyes in ways that would never be possible otherwise. It has changed the way I think and the way that I feel. It is easy to take on other peoples pain and it can really drag you down if you let it. But it can also be life changing. It can motivate you to see beyond your own little circle. It can propel you to become a prayer warrior. For all of the pain and sorrow we have seen we have seen even more of God's love and grace at work. Every time I look into my daughter's eyes I am overwhelmed by God's love for me. I think about how much I love Hayley. How I would walk through fire for her. How there is nothing she could ever do to make me love her less. Then I am really overwhelmed thinking that God loves me infinitely more than that. He reminds me that he is greater, greater than all of the pain, greater than all of the sadness, greater than all of it!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

From 0 to Toddler overnight!

So it has been a very long time since I've blogged! Forgive me, spending time with my lil beauty has taken precedence over anything else! Being a mother is such a blessing and a gift. I find myself missing her once she goes to bed at night. I still stand above her crib staring at her when I check on her at night.

It is quite the transition to go from 2 adults and 2 dogs to 2 adults, 2 dogs and a very active toddler! I used to take something to help me sleep, not now!! Hayley is full of fun and energy and is such a little comedian! Many times throughout the day I find myself hiding my face so she won't see me laughing.

We are now in the potty training stage which comes with it's own set of hilarity. Everyday when she sits on the potty she insists that I sit on mine and go "peep peep or poof" otherwise known as #1 and #2. I've learned to go to the bathroom on command now! She is also quite interested in everyone elses bathroom habits. She asks anyone who walks out of a bathroom anywhere "Did you go poof?" I just smile and say "potty training."

The other day someone said "lookout you're in the terrible two's." I was offended. I am calling them the Terrificc Two's. Yeah there may be a meltdown now and then because I won't let her run around with a pen in her hand. Yeah, I've had to chase her around the house to get a pull up on and once as I was chasing her as she laughed hysterically she began pooping as she ran sans pull ups. Then one day at dinner she asked me for candy and in a sing song voice I said "No candy, eat your dinner" and she promptly mocked me with the same sing song voice. I had to leave the room to laugh. But all of that is terrific to me all of that is well worth it! The "terrific twos" also have her running up to me and hugging me out of the blue while saying "my mom, my mom and cuddling with me and giving me tiny kisses and laughing. All well worth it!!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Dreams Come True!!

Some things are so precious, so magical that you want to keep them to yourselves and hold them so tight. We have have experienced that magical, precious feeling. Tomorrow Wednesday August 17th our daughter will be placed in our home. For those of you that had no clue that this happened I will go back in time about two months ago...................

I had decided that I would make new profile books for our adoption. We had tons of great new pictures and I felt that maybe new profile books would invigorate our chances of being chosen. I think that day or a couple days after I placed the order we got an email from our caseworker telling us about a precious lil 2 year old girl. Like I did every time we have ever received I called Ryan and read it to him. We decided that we would pray about it like we always did and decide if we wanted our profile to be shown. We decided that yes we would have our profile shown.

Some time went by not much at all compared to some. I received the call that we were one of the families that had been chosen to be interviewed! I felt like I was in a dream so excited so nervous. I don't think that I slept until we met with the caseworkers later that week. We both felt that it all went really well that we had a really great chance. We waited a weekend and on a Tuesday morning I got the call that I had been aching for for what seemed like forever. We had been chosen we were the ones!!

So tomorrow she will be home for good. She is the most precious girl who has Daddy wrapped around her fingers already. When she runs into my arms I melt I feel overwhelmed with emotions that I didn't know existed. Our entire situation has been better than I ever could have dreamt of. Everyone involved has been above and beyond wonderful.

I am in awe of God's goodness and love for me. To think that before I was born, before Ryan was born before our daughter was born he chose US to be her parents. People keep telling us how blessed she is to have us and I think "No, how incredibly blessed we are to have her!!!" I could fall to my knees and thank God for this gift day and night and it wouldn't be enough. His love is so tremendous so utterly big and precious. I am honestly having a hard time expressing how amazing this all really is.

So I am now who I was born to be; a wife and a mother. My God has done exceedingly, abundantly more than I could ever have imagined or dreamt of!!!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Your Father :)

To my little precious one,

Today is Father's Day so I thought that I would take some time to tell you what a wonderful father you will have. Your have the best daddy in the world. He is the most patient, calm man that I have ever known. When I get sad because you're not here yet  he is the one who helps to remind me that God has perfect timing and you will be here very soon. He loves you so much already and can't wait to hold you in his arms. Your daddy loves sports so I'm sure he will teach you how to play every sport on earth. Sometimes I catch daddy going into your bedroom and just looking around smiling my heart melts when I see him in there. Here's a tip it won't be too hard for you to get daddy wrapped around your little fingers just ask your cousins! He has a hard time saying no to cute little faces! He wants to give you the world. Another tip, your dad gives great advice so make sure you pick his brain now and then. I hope you will like Mexican food because your daddy plans on taking you to eat it with him all time. I"ll let that be you're thing with your dad I've had my fill of burritos over the last couple years with him. So to sum it up you have a pretty great dad who is funny, sweet, caring and I will add adorable! He loves you and can't wait for you to be home with us.


Sunday, June 12, 2011

The Quiet

Our house has been filled with kids for the past two weeks. My 3 year old niece and 4 year old nephew, along with their 6 year old brother and 10 year old sister have been here visiting us from Ohio. Let me preface what I am about to say by 1st saying that, they are very well behaved kids. However, when you go from having no kids in the house to having 4 of varying ages it can get very loud! We aren't very loud around here when the kids aren't here. Well scratch that Ryan is never loud!! I have a loud booming Italian voice but Ryan has really helped me quiet down too. I mean how loud and boisterous can 2 adults and 2 small dogs be?

There are times during the week that I am exhausted when they are here. However, the same thing happens every time they leave us. Ryan usually takes them to meet their parents (we can't all fit in one car when they are all here) about an hour and a half from here halfway between our homes. I kiss them all goodbye and pray for them as they leave then I start cleaning the house. Then as I am cleaning the house I realize how incredibly quiet it is in here. It's so quiet I can't hear anything. Then I begin to cry because I miss them so much and I realize I miss the loud, I miss the rush of kids flying by me, I miss the funny things they say and do. I woke up not feeling well because I think that I stressed myself out so much over thinking about them leaving. I'm not alone. When Ryan gets home his eyes will be red because he has been crying too. We will go outside and plant something or watch something on TV and try to ignore how quiet it is in here.

I have total faith in God that he will bring us a baby that will one day soon make our house very loud.

Sunday, May 15, 2011


So we are back from vacation. It was so needed. I really made my very best effort to not think about adoption or anything for that matter. I feel like I did really well too considering we knew that an expectant mother was looking at our profile. We are still waiting to find out what that outcome will be. I will say when you are trying to suspend reality Disney World is the place to do it! I felt like a little kid it was truly one of the best vacations that we have ever been on. We went to all 4 of the parks and spent 2 days at Universal. Ryan had always thought that he wouldn't have fun there without kids, he was wrong! He had a blast he rode every ride at least once. I can vomit at the drop of a hat so I don't ride much so I enjoyed the air conditioned gift shops while everyone else rode the crazy rides that I couldn't handle. I found myself thinking about our future children. How could I not there are children everywhere! However, I didn't find myself getting sad I kept thinking and planning what we would do when we go back with our kids. I had so much fun I can't imagine how much fun it will be seeing it through my children's eyes.

We spent the last 2 days of vacation going to Universal. Honestly, after being at Disney, Universal looked like a local community park in comparison. But they do have some really cool things there. I was thrilled to see Seuss Landing. It is an entire section filled with rides and shops dedicated to Dr. Seuss. I love Dr. Seuss and the baby's room is decorated in Dr. Seuss so that was fun. The rides in that area were also very mild so I could ride them!

As wonderful as vacation was it does feel good to get back to things at home. I feel refreshed and I am excited about what our future holds!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter Precious One

My precious baby,

Today is Easter and I am thinking about you a lot. Today we celebrate Jesus and what he has done for us. I can't help but cry when I think about what he did for us. Not just what he did but what he continues to do for me. When I get sad because you're not here with us yet he always reminds me that he is in control and he knows the best time for you to join us. When I get impatient and I stress because I want to hold you so bad he calms me down and I'm reminded that he will give me strength and grace I need while I wait for you. He has such big plans for your life I can't wait to see them unfold. I don't even know your name yet and I love you so much. When I hold you in my arms for the first time I think I may burst from joy!! Daddy and I can't wait to make you an Easter Basket! Daddy says I'm a chocolate snob and that I'm picky about my chocolate. I am but we are lucky to live close to 2 of the best chocolate/candy shops in the area. So every year once you can eat it I will get you a big chocolate egg just like my Pap used to get me. But you have to share with mama!! Every year we color Easter eggs with the family you will love it we have such a great time. The whole family can't wait to meet you. Lauren told me the other day she wants to be called Aunt Lauren even though she is your cousin. She said "No, I will be called Aunt Lauren!"  I'll warn you that there will be tons of pictures of you wearing adorable Easter gear. You'll have pictures with Mommy and Daddy,Violet and Ellie and Grandma and Grandpa Cisco and we can't forget Aunt Morgan and your cousin Malik! I think I've already told you I plan to wallpaper the house with your pictures. I'm really not kidding! I love you so very much and I can't wait to hold your tiny hands in mine and tell you in person how much I love you.

Happy Easter my precious little one
Love, Mama

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Roller Coaster....

So your standing in line and your excited but a little nervous too. You sit down in the car and all seems good you start off slow and then it begins to pick up a bit. Then it gets faster and faster and your climbing a really big hill you look around and wow you're really high up there. Then all of a sudden you go rushing down a big huge hill to the bottom. Your stomach feels like it is still up on top of that big hill, you almost feel like you might get sick. Then it starts all over again. Well, if your me you get off the roller coaster and you do puke! This is what it's like while your waiting to adopt. It's a big huge roller coaster. You make the big decision to actually adopt and then you're excited and very hopeful. Then you begin waiting and you get really excited when you know your profile is being shown and very excited when you get emails about possible matches. Then you hold your breath and pray and wait on pins and needles while you wait to see if you are chosen. Then you find out that another couple was chosen and your back at square one.

It had been a while since we had any possible matches or emails about possibilities. Because of a very hard situation that occurred a little while back I had purposely tried very hard to not even think about adoption. That's a hard thing to do but I had gotten to the point where I was really handling it all really well. When you are walking in faith and believing for something you are believing for something that you cannot see. You are believing that what you don't see will exist. Getting to that point where you believe that in your heart and you can't be persuaded otherwise can take some time. Just last week we received an email about another possibility. Up the roller coaster again... It takes extreme patience and faith while your waiting to find out if you are chosen. You get excited and then you start thinking about all of the possible ways that this could all go down. Pins and needles time again. I am so thankful that I have gotten to the place where my faith is persuaded that no matter what this outcome is God is faithful and he is preparing our child for us even as I type this. He knows who they will be and he knows every hair on there head and oh the plans he has for them!!

There is a song that I love called "Before The Morning" and one part of it says:

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Disney with no kids????

Things have been very quiet lately no much going on in the world of adoption. We are now at the 6 month mark and I'm doing ok. I've been keeping myself very busy which makes it easier and harder at the same time. One day I have a landscaper here the next day a contractor to build a fence I think Ryan is afraid of what he may come home to next! I told him if we lived in the country I'd have the Amish here building me a horse barn! He mentally checked off never moving to the country! Having other things to look forward to besides the baby is great. Not that thinking and praying about the baby goes away (it never does) it just makes it easier. So about 5 months months ago a very good friend of mine and her boyfriend asked us if we wanted to go to Disney World with them. I love going away, going anywhere! But we said no because back then May sounded like years away and ocourse we could have the baby by then. So months went by and after we had a very major disappointment last month I told Ryan we need to get out of here! I would have literally boarded an airplane bound for anywhere on the Earth. So on May 6th we are off to Disney World. People have asked me why we would want to go there with no children Ryan even felt that way for a while. Honestly, it will just be nice to be away for a while. But besides that I am a kid at heart and who couldn't have fun at Disney?? Believe me kids may not be going with us but we have many requests for souvenirs from all the kids in our lives already.

I started realizing I was saying no to a lot of things. When you are waiting for something you want so bad it can very easily take over your life. You can live in "What ifs." That's not how I want to live my life. How can you truly have faith that something is going to happen when you say no to everything else besides what your waiting for? God is so good he has really given me a peace lately that I can really latch onto. Life will not always be easy and I have no idea when our baby is coming. I may have days that are harder than others and there will be some days that I can't think about anything else but the baby. However, I also remind myself everyday that my God does exceedingly, abundantly more than I could ever ask for or imagine! So I will go and have an exceedingly good time in Disney!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I am convinced people mean well....

  If you have never adopted or known anyone who adopted you really have no idea what goes on and what it is like for them. I had no idea really, I knew that it must be very hard and emotional. That is quite an understatement actually. For the most part we have received wonderful support and guidance. I am blessed to know people who have been down the same road as we are on. They have given me great advice and support. I think that sometimes people don't know what to say. They think they may hurt your feelings I guess. I can understand not knowing what to say. It's almost like when someone dies and you tell that persons friend or loved one "I'm so sorry." Well why are you sorry you didn't kill them. But that's just what we say. Like I said I totally understand not knowing what to say. However, sometimes you just want to scream, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Well, I will add this caveat to that statement (sometimes not acknowledging at all that someone is adopting is just as hurtful as saying mean things.

These are some things that have been said to us. I am not documenting these because I am angry or mad at the people that said them. People simply don't understand adoption and they don't know what to say or sometimes how to act around someone who is adopting. So, hopefully through communication we can help people understand it better.

1. "Why can't you have babies? What is wrong with you?
If you are close enough to someone you know why they are adopting. If you're not that close or you are just an aquaintance you don't ask questions like that!!

2. "Can't you just find a teenager who is having a baby and just adopt their baby?"
That's not how it works. Adoption is not a lifetime movie it's not something that can be wrapped up tightly in a hour and a half.

3. "You will probably get pregnant now that you are adopting  baby."
This is such a hurtful statement. I realize that this happens and I have read many accounts of adoptions where this has happened. However, I am not adopting a baby as some sort of "lucky charm" that will help me get pregnant!!

4. "I'm so sorry you won't have real kids"
Please, please, please if you have this though in your head do whatever you can to clamp your mouth shut and not say this outloud to someone!! It is beyond rude and insensitive. Giving birth to a child doesn't make that child more real to you than a child that you adopted.

 I'm not going to lie when I hear some of these things I get angry. But it also make me realize how little people know about adoption. It is just more common for us to understand childbirth as a means to becoming parents. But that's not the only way it happens. There are over 120,000 children in America alone that don't have a home and are available for adoption. So my advice is to above all think before you say anything (that should be a given all the time, no matter who we talk to huh?) If your not sure what to say to someone who is adopting just tell them Congratulations! Wouldn't you say that to someone who is pregnant? If you don't know what adoption is like ask them they will be happy to explain it to you!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

5 months.....

The past couple weeks have been extremely intense and emotionally exhausting. We were waiting to find out about a baby and we became very attached to this one. How can you get so attached to someone you have never met you ask? Well, it is very hard to explain but it happens. This possibility felt so real it was almost tangible. I get excited every time we get an email about a possible match. How could you not? That "possible match" could be my child. I want them to know that I was so excited about them from the moment I heard about them. Balancing that excitement-hope is where you have to have faith and strength. We will get a phone call if we are matched with a baby. So for the past 2 weeks anytime the phone rang I held my breath and silently and sometimes not so silently groaned when I knew it wasn't our social worker. Sorry for those of you who heard me say "Oh, it's just you!" We get an email when we aren't chosen. I got that email about this particular baby last week. We have had numerous emails just like this one but this "no" hurt very badly. I am so grateful for God and his peace that brought Ryan and I through this one.

Our social worker reminded me that God's timing is perfect all the time. I know that is true because of Ryan. I met Ryan in God's time. I waited for many, many years for Ryan and many times told God how ready I was to be married and begged him to let it happen soon. All I can say is THANK GOD FOR HIS PERFECT TIMING! If I wouldn't have waited I wouldn't have Ryan. God's timing was perfect then and it will be perfect this time too. He did it then and he will do it again. We have been officially waiting 5 months 2 days and about 16 hours now. I have no idea when we will meet our baby but I have absolute faith that God does. He has numbered every hair on our child's head and he has a tremendous plan and purpose for them.

So if you're "waiting" on something know that God's timing is perfect timing. That doesn't mean it won't be hard while you wait and that doesn't mean you won't shed some tears. It means you have an advocate on your side that has it all planned out for you!

A friend shared this excerpt with me from a book that she was reading. I think it sums it up pretty well!

WAITING is difficult. Waiting for a wayward child to return to God, waiting for a decision on a new career opportunity, waiting for the results of medical tests -- we spend a lot of time waiting. Life would be much easier if God acted according to our timetable!

However, when I look back over my life, I see that times of waiting were also times of great spiritual growth. While I was waiting, I learned to pray for the wayward child and I began to look at my own life in light of what God wanted for me. Over the days and years I opened my life to God and began to trust God's decisions and timing. I also learned that I do not always have the right answers and that God's ideas are better than I could ever imagine.

If I never had to wait, I would have no need for hope in God and I would say fewer prayers for God's guidance. In times of waiting, I have learned about God's faithfulness and found strength for the next challenge in my life. I trust God because my experience tells me that God has been faithful in the past and will continue to be faithful in the future.
Marie Willner (Florida, U.S.A.)

Monday, February 28, 2011

February over already??

I cannot believe that February us over already. We have a weird relationship with 'time" these days. On one hand I want time to fly so it is "time" for our baby to arrive. However, on the other hand once we get our beautiful baby I want time to stand still! We can't have it both ways can we? This past weekend we had our nieces and nephews with us. We always have such a great time with them.  Watching them grow really makes you realize how fast time goes....

Wearing their "How to Train Your Dragon" costumes taking a time out.

We took the kids to see Gnomeo and Juliet. 2 adults, and 4 kids at a 3D matinee movie $53.00! But it was all worth it! It was one of the best kids movies I have ever seen. It was really adorable although I must admit I went into it having an affinity for Gnomes!

Aren't they adorable?? I hope March is a great month for everyone. Maybe a month for dreams to come true!!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy heart day!  I love Valentine's Day, I don't think you need to have a special day just to remind you to love the people in your life but I used to hate it. As a former florist for 10+ years it was a day that meant prior weeks of hard work and exhaustion. I also hadn't met Ryan yet. The past 4 Valentine's Days that we have celebrated have held a new meaning for me. He had surprises for me on Saturday and even today he has more. If he never gave me flowers or cards or gifts I'd still love him to the moon and back. However, the fact that he does these things and works hard to find exactly what I like makes him even more loveable to me! Lest I make him seem like a saint he isn't perfect (and God knows I'm not) he once proudly told me how he had put all of the laundry away for me and I had to tell him the basket he put away was actually all dirty! But honestly doesn't that make him cute too? He will be such a wonderful father I can't wait to see him with our children!
Us with our nieces and nephews
At our wedding with our nephew Luke

Monday, February 7, 2011

In the meantime........

I'd love to have some exciting stories to tell about what I have been up to lately but I'd be making them up! This weather is really getting on my nerves, I love to look at snow from the warm safety of my couch not from my steering wheel.  There was a 2 or 3 day period when the snow stopped and melted too however that led to another issue for me. You see when it is so cold outside our dogs Violet and Ellie hate to be outside so I open the kitchen door and they hope off the side porch and do their business asap and run back in. So when the snow melted it looked like a poop farm outside! Now normally I "pick up" quite frequently but it has been too darn cold! So I find myself vacation planning because it gives me hope that the snow will stop. They tell  you that when you are "waiting" you should live normally and do things that you normally would like go on vacations etc, etc. That is harder to do than it sounds though. I get tired of planning things that don't include a baby. Still working on that patience!! So my favorite new thing is to go on Priceline (The Star Trek fan in me feels loyal to William Shatner) and I pretend plan vacations all over the place. So it's a chilly Monday just get on Priceline and I'm planning my vacation to sunny California where by the way you and your husband or whomever you travel with can visit San Diego for 6 days and 7 nights for about $1,300.00 including flights, very nice hotel and car! We aren't going to California but now I know where I will stay when I do go. It's almost like going there.. So eventually I will plan a real vacation for us but I'd be thrilled to have to cancel it for a new member of the fam!!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Patience is a virtue!

Patience has never been my favorite virtue! I hate waiting for anything and I a planner. I have found patience is harder when you like to plan for things. I am really trying to take this time that we are waiting to work on my patience. Hebrews 6:12 says "Through faith and patience we inherit the promises" It doesn't say "Have faith and you'll get what you want!" Those of you who are in the process of adopting or have gone through it previously know that adoption is a HUGE walk of faith. Many times Ryan and I have often felt like we were in the dark not knowing what is happening. At the beginning of the process you are busy with paperwork, getting things done. Then comes the home study and all goes well and you are approved. After that you begin the wait and that's where faith and patience really come into play. Not that you don't need them before hand you do! Our agency and our social worker are wonderful. We get updates every month and they always have trainings and classes that we can go to that are very helpful. Our social worker is truly the best she is always there to answer questions and is so patient with me. Even with the amazing support we have there are many times when we still feel in the dark not knowing what is happening or when it will.

Patience and faith go hand in hand. To have faith you have to have patience. Lest you think I am trying to sound like I am perfect (so wrong) I have to diligently work on this every day. Some days are better than others. There are times when I am out shopping at Target or Wal-Mart if I feel brave and adventurous and I swear babies are coming out of the wood work. It's like everywhere I turn I see a pregnant woman or a baby. On those days my patience takes a serious nose dive.  And then there are the days when I feel God's peace and I feel so reassured and calmed. I have found a verse that gives me tremendous peace and comfort. I hope that it helps al of you as well!

1 Corinthians 10:13 (The Message)

 13No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Best Baby Products

Right after our homestudy was done and we were given the go ahead to adopt I started a baby registry. Some women that adopt wait until they have the baby to register and I totally understand that too. I started it because doing it made it all feel more real to me and lets face it it is fun! I had so much fun doing one at Babies R Us that I did one at Target too. Once we have received "the call" I'm sure I will go back and register for more specific items for a boy or a girl depending on what we have. Now I am obsessed with baby products. Because this is my first child I am sure I will be roped into buying things that I really don't need and I'm ok with that. I know all of the basic things that I need but I wonder what some of you mothers and fellow waiting to be mothers think are really great must haves. Is there something you have seen or used that made life easier or made baby happier?

Monday, January 10, 2011

Kids are hilarious!

So it has been almost 2 weeks now with no pop at all. I honestly thought it would be harder than it is. It hasn't been an issue at all. It wasn't a resolution to stop drinking it I just decided that it wasn't good for me and I haven't had it at all since then. Last week we had our niece Aby and our nephew Patrick stay with us. Pat is 3 and Aby is 2 they are adorable and so much fun. One afternoon while playing with Play Doh (I still love Play Doh) Patrick said to me "My new name is Patrick Star when I grow up I'm going to be a dragon." I didn't dash his dreams and tell him that was impossible on so many levels. I just asked him to make sure he was a good dragon and would he fly me and uncle Ryan around when we need to travel? It made me think of when I was younger (much younger) and I had a huge crush on Speed Racer. It never dawned on me that he didn't really exist or that he was a cartoon! Then there was my Monkee period. I was obsessed with The Monkees. I would watch them anytime they were on and would tell anyone that would listen or pretend they were listening that I was going to marry Micky Dolenz the drummer. I even carved "I Love Micky" into my parents brand new oak dining room table. That did not go over well!

I want my kids to have the same kind of dreams (well not about marrying a 25 year old drummer of a fictional TV band). I can't wait to hear the things that they say. I love spending time with our nieces and nephews and watching how they interact with life. Seeing the world through a child's eye is the best way to see. Patrick prayed at dinner one night and said "Dear Jesus, thank you for fruit snacks and Popsicles they are so good." We were at Target and I told them we would go look at the toys. Now I don't think I'm the only one who does this but I have a route that I follow when I go to stores and I rarely detour from that route.  So he's walking next to me (because he is a big boy now) and his sister is in the cart. I'm looking through the baby section checking out what is on clearance and Patrick looks at me exasperated and says "Ugh, if I we don't get to the toys soon I'm going to puke I'm so excited, look they are right there!" I wish I would have taken a video of it. Just typing about it doesn't do it justice it was one of the funniest things I have ever seen and heard from him.


These are the things I look forward to and so much more. I can't wait to hear the funny things our kids say and do. Ryan tells me I'm pretty hilarious so I hope that rubs off on my children. But I can't wait to get to know their unique personality and see the world the way they see it.