From the very beginning of this process we have seen and experienced other peoples pain and heartache. We've been privy to ultra personal information about the lives of complete strangers we would never meet. Today was our 1st visit to court in the process of Hayley's adoption. I was not prepared for the pain and heartache that was in that room today it was literally palpable. There is no problem with Hayley's adoption no worries! Adoption is a wonderful amazing thing but it's easy to forget that there is a side to it where people are hurting. There are birth mother's and birth father's, Grandpa's and Grandma's and many times siblings. It's easy to sometimes look at people who have made bad decisions and say "Well, you deserve what you get, you shouldn't have made those bad choices etc, etc and write them off. There are consequences for making bad choices and many times they are just. However, we can't think they don't feel pain that they don't hurt.
This will sound like I am off my rocker but I'm glad we've seen and heard the things that we have in this process. It has opened my eyes in ways that would never be possible otherwise. It has changed the way I think and the way that I feel. It is easy to take on other peoples pain and it can really drag you down if you let it. But it can also be life changing. It can motivate you to see beyond your own little circle. It can propel you to become a prayer warrior. For all of the pain and sorrow we have seen we have seen even more of God's love and grace at work. Every time I look into my daughter's eyes I am overwhelmed by God's love for me. I think about how much I love Hayley. How I would walk through fire for her. How there is nothing she could ever do to make me love her less. Then I am really overwhelmed thinking that God loves me infinitely more than that. He reminds me that he is greater, greater than all of the pain, greater than all of the sadness, greater than all of it!