Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The pain of other's

From the very beginning of this process we have seen and experienced other peoples pain and heartache. We've been privy to ultra personal information about the lives of complete strangers we would never meet. Today was our 1st visit to court in the process of Hayley's adoption. I was not prepared for the pain and heartache that was in that room today it was literally palpable.  There is no problem with Hayley's adoption no worries! Adoption is a wonderful amazing thing but it's easy to forget that there is a side to it where people are hurting. There are birth mother's and birth father's, Grandpa's and Grandma's and many times siblings. It's easy to sometimes look at people who have made bad decisions and say "Well, you deserve what you get, you shouldn't have made those bad choices etc, etc and write them off. There are consequences for making bad choices and many times they are just. However, we can't think they don't feel pain that they don't hurt.

This will sound like I am off my rocker but I'm glad we've seen and heard the things that we have in this process. It has opened my eyes in ways that would never be possible otherwise. It has changed the way I think and the way that I feel. It is easy to take on other peoples pain and it can really drag you down if you let it. But it can also be life changing. It can motivate you to see beyond your own little circle. It can propel you to become a prayer warrior. For all of the pain and sorrow we have seen we have seen even more of God's love and grace at work. Every time I look into my daughter's eyes I am overwhelmed by God's love for me. I think about how much I love Hayley. How I would walk through fire for her. How there is nothing she could ever do to make me love her less. Then I am really overwhelmed thinking that God loves me infinitely more than that. He reminds me that he is greater, greater than all of the pain, greater than all of the sadness, greater than all of it!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

From 0 to Toddler overnight!

So it has been a very long time since I've blogged! Forgive me, spending time with my lil beauty has taken precedence over anything else! Being a mother is such a blessing and a gift. I find myself missing her once she goes to bed at night. I still stand above her crib staring at her when I check on her at night.

It is quite the transition to go from 2 adults and 2 dogs to 2 adults, 2 dogs and a very active toddler! I used to take something to help me sleep, not now!! Hayley is full of fun and energy and is such a little comedian! Many times throughout the day I find myself hiding my face so she won't see me laughing.

We are now in the potty training stage which comes with it's own set of hilarity. Everyday when she sits on the potty she insists that I sit on mine and go "peep peep or poof" otherwise known as #1 and #2. I've learned to go to the bathroom on command now! She is also quite interested in everyone elses bathroom habits. She asks anyone who walks out of a bathroom anywhere "Did you go poof?" I just smile and say "potty training."

The other day someone said "lookout you're in the terrible two's." I was offended. I am calling them the Terrificc Two's. Yeah there may be a meltdown now and then because I won't let her run around with a pen in her hand. Yeah, I've had to chase her around the house to get a pull up on and once as I was chasing her as she laughed hysterically she began pooping as she ran sans pull ups. Then one day at dinner she asked me for candy and in a sing song voice I said "No candy, eat your dinner" and she promptly mocked me with the same sing song voice. I had to leave the room to laugh. But all of that is terrific to me all of that is well worth it! The "terrific twos" also have her running up to me and hugging me out of the blue while saying "my mom, my mom and cuddling with me and giving me tiny kisses and laughing. All well worth it!!